Even though you may believe you are doing someone a favor, saving someone who doesn't want to be saved tends to backfire. Here's how to really be helpful.
"Why do I always feel attracted to people who have had lots of troubles in life?""If I'm constantly trying to change my significant other for the better, does that mean I'm not accepting of them?"
If you relate to any of these questions, you may have a savior complex. At first glance, your behaviors might point to your helpful nature. But, when examined more closely, your savior complex can be psychologically unhealthy as it can give you an external outlet to focus on instead of addressing your own problems.
Helpfulness is a valued and pro-social trait, but there is a difference between helping and saving. A savior complex goes beyond our ability to help people, crossing into the realm of trying to be a hero in someone else's life for your benefit more than theirs.1. Practice active listening. When people confide in you, they are often looking for an outlet to let out pent-up emotions instead of wanting to"be fixed." A big problem for many"saviors" is the mistaken assumption that people are incapable of solving their own issues. If you take up the practice of listening more actively, you may learn that this person is perhaps just looking for a supportive shoulder and someone who will listen.
Silent moments are essential for building a good conversation. Allow yourself to be silent to enable the other person to speak. For instance, when a friend comes to you with a problem, aim to understand rather than immediately reply. Instead, watch for their
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