4-Second Jumbotron Appearance Longest Anyone Will Ever Pay Attention To Area Man In Entire Life

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4-Second Jumbotron Appearance Longest Anyone Will Ever Pay Attention To Area Man In Entire Life
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NEW YORK—Local man Matt Waggoner reportedly achieved a major personal milestone late Friday afternoon after a four-second appearance on a stadium Jumbotron marked the longest period anyone will pay attention to him in his entire life. Sources confirmed that the brief recognition the 36-year-old sales associate…

NEW YORK—Local man Matt Waggoner reportedly achieved a major personal milestone late Friday afternoon after a four-second appearance on a stadium Jumbotron marked the longest period anyone will pay attention to him in his entire life.

Indeed, prior to this Jumbotron appearance, reports confirmed the previous lengthiest duration of anyone being aware of Waggoner’s existence were the 3.4 seconds in which his birthing doctor confirmed that he was alive, a feat that will only be repeated when he collapses from a heart attack decades from now in a fruit aisle and draws attention from concerned shoppers at the age of 71.

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