CINCINNATI—Surprising many with his impeccable fundamentals and intense style of play, sources at the Elm Street YMCA confirmed Thursday that a 55-year-old man is absolutely dominating the competition at the gym’s evening pickup basketball game.
The partially graying, tank-top–clad man—who was overheard introducing himself as “Ken” to several other players at the beginning of the game—has reportedly been utterly unstoppable on both ends of the floor, carving up the opposing team with a diverse arsenal of pump fakes, post moves, and well-timed backdoor passes.
Witnesses noted with amazement that the slightly overweight 55-year-old is “solid as a rock” and absolutely tenacious on defense. Sources also confirmed that defenders have been unable to cope with the man’s dizzying array of pinpoint bounce passes from the top of the key, noting that he has also yet to commit a single turnover during the game.“He’s a little stocky, but he’s actually a lot quicker than he looks,” said 31-year-old Aaron Garrett, adding that the man has shown absolutely no signs of exhaustion or fatigue despite his shirt being completely drenched in sweat.
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