If your family Thanksgiving feels more like a figurative cage match, there are ways to steady yourself before arriving and self-soothe at the dinner table.
"Prepare yourself for who you know your family to be, not who you hope they will be," Pharaon says.
"Can you expect a certain uncle to make a comment that's going to ignite something within you?" Pharaon says."Plan for how you'll respond. What's going to offer you the most amount of peace in this experience? Whatever that answer is, build around that." "Getting hooked into the chaos is not healing," she says."Trying to change a person's mind who is committed to not changing is a waste of your energy and peace.
You can even come up with a code word or gesture which signals that you need to step away or you need someone to interject. Call your family ahead of time and vocalize what exact topic you'd like to avoid, Stewart says. "Hey I'm really excited to see you. I've been looking forward to having time with everyone. I'd really love if we didn't talk about the election. I'd love to hear what's happening in your life.
"Take care of yourself first," Pharaon says."Don't worry too much about managing the emotional experience of others. I know, easier said than done when it's a role you've taken on your entire life, but do your best to tune into yourself and care for you in the best way you can." Sometimes we tip-toe around our emotions or needs. But, addressing them head-on might be more effective. If a topic triggers you, say something, Pharaon says.
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