Dear Care and Feeding: Why should my child have to suffer because another kid is so disruptive?
My son “Jack” has been in sixth grade for a month now. He’s transitioned to middle school well, but he often comes home complaining about his classmate “Aiden.” Aiden is in most of Jack’s classes, and he’s really disruptive in all of them. My son says he talks and makes noises while the teacher is talking, messes with stuff on other kids’ desks, won’t follow directions, and tries to start arguments. Aiden isn’t the only kid to ever act up like that, but he does it the most often and the worst.
My wife and I have certainly had issues over the years with our own children, but in every case, we approached our children’s teachers and principals with an awareness that we might not have all the facts, and a certainty that the best way to solve a problem is to come together as a team. This has admittedly meant postponing a phone call or email for a day or two if I’m especially annoyed because I also know that little is accomplished through anger or outrage.
My newly 3-year-old son just started at our church’s Montessori preschool. Before this he was always home with me and his 20-month-old sister, so this is his first experience with school. I spoke with the teacher before he started, because he’s never shown any interest in dressing himself, and independence is a big thing in Montessori. She said that she was sure that seeing the other children dressing themselves would motivate him.
Once you understand her point of view, counter it… gently. You can say something like, “Mom, I understand you want me to get support with [xyz], but I’m not getting that from these teacher conferences.”Then I’d explain how important orchestra is to you. What do you learn? How does it make you feel? Perhaps it’s even meeting the need that your mom thinks the conferences are! Tell her how missing class affects you in a negative way.
Next, be ready to compromise. If your mom is unwilling to let go of the conferences completely, could they happen at a different time? Could you meet less? Would once a week work? What about once a month?Our family consists of an 8-year-old, 4-year-old, and a 2-month-old baby. There’s a discussion about having our 4-year-old start school early. Her birthday is within a week of the cutoff date. She is developing well and loves her Montessori school.
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