A piece of (mostly true) pulp fiction in celebration of the weird, wild, and wonderful avocado, with recipes and gear to bring the exciting adventure home!
The beast ambles slowly through a dense patch of trees, its hulking limbs moving in calculated, plodding steps. Its bulbous snout sniffs at the forest floor, taking in the rich aroma of earth after an early morning rain. Mist hangs between the trees as clouds roll through this shaded wood, high up in a prehistoric sierra somewhere around present-day Mexico. The animal lifts up on its hind legs, each as thick as an elephant's, raising its squat head high up into the trees.
With an eager tongue darting in and out, the beast gobbles up its bounty, rapidly chomping and swallowing the baseball-size fruits with golf ball-size pits large enough to choke a direwolf, one after the next as if they were mere grapes. The fruit is eternally dependent on the beast, the beast endlessly sustained by the fruit. But a chill wind blows, colder than most and carrying with it a warning of changes to come.It's midday and the band of humans stop to rest and drink. They've been on the move for months, traveling gradually south as they seek warmer weather and more plentiful sources of food to eat.
The fruit will take many names—āhuacatl in Nahuatl will one day become aguacate in Spanish, then avocado in English. People will eat it blended into sauces and shakes, smashed into dips, and spread on a trillion twee toasts, digitized trillions of times more as social media uploads and impressions. Most of them will never spend much time at all thinking of this odd, fatty fruit and the singular story that must have birthed it.
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