Can a couple continue being friends with a woman if they have decided to cut off contact with her alcoholic husband?
Although all agreed that this shunning was justified, the loss of this friend caused my husband great emotional pain. I am from a family who has suffered from generations of alcoholism. I have a low tolerance for the pain caused by that sad addiction. As a result, the shunning is not a problem for me.
However, I am friends with Patrick’s wife, who knows he has been banned from the ski group for his frightening behaviors. She is choosing to continue to support him and his painful, risky lifestyle, trusting that he will recover. Although none of us share her trust in him, she is asking for “understanding” from the ski group and is asking for me to maintain his friendship.Both my husband and I enjoy her but want nothing to do with Patrick.
But “shunning?” Shunning is a group choice to permanently cut off contact. It is used as a consequence for unacceptable behavior. Your husband and his friends believe that they are acting in the best interests of the group. “Gently” concluding your relationship with Patrick’s wife, simply because she is both staying with her husband and attempting to continue a friendship with you amounts to shunning her. This makes her yet another victim of her husband’s disease.
I suggest sending a private message on Facebook, introducing yourself and telling the relative what you have. Say you’re downsizing and would like to send these family photos to her. If she wants the photos, ask for her address, and ship the photos with no return address on the package. Track the shipment to make sure they were delivered, give the recipient a week or two to thank you via private message, and then remove your contact with her on Facebook.” reflected on her daughter’s choice not to invite her brother to their wedding. My husband and I each had a number of alcoholics in our families, including our fathers. We decided on sparkling cider as the main beverage and did not serve alcohol. This worked out well for our wedding day.© 2023 by Amy Dickinson.
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