Dear Amy: My childhood friend of almost 50 years recently lost a child to suicide.
DEAR AMY: My childhood friend of almost 50 years recently lost a child to suicide. We usually only call one another on our birthdays, and I have not physically seen her in almost 20 years.I really did not begin healing until my current physician diagnosed me and referred me to a specialist for therapy.My friend did not notify me personally; she posted the news to Facebook.
I, however, am just now finding peace, due to finally receiving proper treatment. I procrastinated reaching out because of my own selfish fears of my own instability.DEAR SELFISH: Your shame has sent you into a self-punishing spiral. Now that you have processed your own behavior, you really should stop making this about you.
You should call your friend, even though it isn’t her birthday. Do not continue to apologize for or explain your reaction to her child’s death. Don’t make references to your own trauma. Simply tell her that she continues to be in your daily thoughts, and ask her how she is doing. And then listen to her with thoughtful compassion. If she doesn’t want to talk about her loss, then segue into other topics that you two have traditionally discussed.
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