Dear Amy: I would like to break my vow of silence, feeling secure that I won’t immediately be contradicted, but I’m at a loss for how to do that.
I am not giving him “the silent treatment.” I respond to questions, provide the occasional benign observation, and try to make statements of support.I could observe trees swaying gently in the wind, say, “It seems breezy today,” and he would reply, “No, it isn’t. The wind velocity must be such and such degrees for it to be breezy.”
So, if I brought up my feeling that my husband often contradicts me, he most certainly would reply “No, I don’t!”It would be self-sabotage to leave the marriage after 40 years.I would like to break my vow of silence, feeling secure that I won’t immediately be contradicted, but I’m at a loss for how to do that.
Avoidance is a natural response to being continuously shut down, and so actually – you are giving him the “silent treatment,” but it is important for you to recognize that you do have a voice and have a right to use it. He walks five miles every day for exercise and perspires a great deal, but he doesn’t change his shirt.I’ve also reassured him that washing many shirts is no problem. I have requested directly that he change his shirt, and even handed him a clean shirt.We live in an open-plan condo, and I’ve taken to burning candles and incense to improve the air.
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