Stepchildren skipped the letter-writer’s mother’s funeral and didn’t even offer condolences.
My stepchildren have not expressed their condolences in any way, and both skipped the funeral. I then saw them two days later and they did not address it at all. My feelings are very hurt, but I’m not sure they should be.
I haven’t shared my feelings with my husband because I don’t want him to feel bad. I suppose my real worry is that while we all get along, they do not want to be close. I do want to be close. I love them and want to nurture a relationship between us and between my own child and them.Should I bring this up? Or should I allow my feelings to subside , and allow time to tell?Please, don’t question your own hurt feelings.
But, as a reader recently pointed out in this space, we are overall a “grief illiterate” society, where we lack the cultural tools and traditions to express solidarity and comfort. You must talk to your husband about this. This disappointment is adding to your grief. You’ve got an incomplete idea of how children learn. Don’t leave them in another room while you work — have them “help” you! A 1-year-old can clang Tupperware lids together while the elder child stands on a chair to help you to wash nonbreakable items. A 3-year-old can “fold” washcloths when they come out of the dryer.
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