Dear Amy: I was reading your column and the topic of “love bombing” came up. That’s me! That’s what I do! What the hell is wrong with me and how do I stop?!
I’ve wasted nearly my entire life in this self-sabotaging behavior, and I just want to scream, and hang my head in shame.Dear Yikes: Barroom epiphanies can be extremely powerful, but the point of enlightenment is not to waste time beating up on yourself, but to take the insight and the wisdom forward in order to make some changes.
My take on your behavior is that you are probably already very charming and appealing, even when you’re not overwhelming your male prey. My theory is that when you apply your charm with a fire hose, you fall in love – with yourself.I suggest that when you realize that you are actually “enough,” you’ll stop lobbing your lovely love bombs at every man in sight.
Try this: Stop doing that, and see how it feels! This would require that you deliberately suppress your overwhelming charm, stop leaning in, handle the anxiety that goes along with being quiet, and see if you still love yourself if you put the pin back into the love grenade and do more active listening.Listen to an idiot for five minutes, and you’ll know he’s an idiot. You won’t need to marry him and then reject him years later.
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