At 38, I was desperate for a baby – so I found a sperm donor on Facebook

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At 38, I was desperate for a baby – so I found a sperm donor on Facebook
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Valerie Bauman went online and embarked on a journey involving pregnancy fetishes, breeding kinks and a sexual encounter gone awry

At 38 years old, Valerie Bauman decided to try and have a baby on her own, instead of waiting for the right man to come along. She had imagined she would some day meet a partner and have a child, but that partner hadn’t appeared and time was running out.

Yet why would Bauman, with her successful career, be interested in low-cost sperm from a guy on Facebook, when she could afford to pay the $2,300 dollars that, for example, a vial of sperm from a Californian sperm bank costs, at a clinic where the sperm donors are screened and tested. Surely that would be a safer option?

Bauman says that Mike claimed he was able to have a lot more sex with women – and more attractive women – with the added bonus that now it had a purpose. She didn’t fancy having her future baby with Mike, though. “I wasn’t into fulfilling that need in a man,” she says, “and I found this intense desire to spread their seed far and wide problematic for the kids they’re going to produce, who may have 100-plus siblings, and little chance to meet their biological father.

This handsome man, with whom Bauman was drinking coffee and having a lovely time, answered every question in a way which matched up with Bauman’s own values and desires for her future child. Then things took a surprising turn. “We started flirting a lot.” “I felt really stupid and humiliated,” she says. “I had been excited about this prospect, as I didn’t come across great prospects while dating in my late thirties, now early forties, and I figured I should give this a shot. He seemed optimistic there was potentially a future, and in the back of my mind, part of me was thinking, ‘oh my gosh, am I building a family? I’m not going to have to do this on my own, potentially.

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