A ranking of Halloween candy, from best to Sour Patch Kids Candy Corn
Photo: Alexei Maximenko/Getty Images/iStockphoto I don’t mean to frighten you, but I recently came across a terrible Halloween candy. It was hanging in the Halloween candy aisle of a local Walgreens and it was called Sour Patch Kids Candy Corn. Until the moment I put a piece into my mouth, I was under the impression that it would be regular Sour Patch Kids in the shape of candy corn. It was not.
The truth is that Mr. Goodbar wasn’t included in the original 2018 version of this list, added only now for the 2019 update. I’ll admit that things might have shaken out differently if I’d though to include him then. But you must agree that the fact that I did not even think to include him in last year’s list says something about Mr. Goodbar that we cannot say about Ms. Pay Day. Pay Day was, in fact, included originally. You can’t argue with that.
33. Laffy Taffy “Shake that Laffy Taffy, that Laffy Taffy; shake that Laffy Taffy, that Laffy Taffy.” Did you know D4L put that song out in 2005? We were so young then, and time is moving so fast. 27. Cadbury Screme Eggs I’m not sure if you know these exist. They’re like Cadbury Creme Eggs, except they’re green inside, and they’re not for Easter, when Jesus rose from the dead; they’re for Halloween, when Satan did. Cadbury Creme Eggs are better when you can only make yourself sick on them once a year.
21. Candy Corn Candy Corn is very divisive. I like it, but I can understand why one wouldn’t. Regardless, it’s nice when treats are holiday-specific. It’s fun when you can only indulge in something for a limited amount of time. We have too much of everything all of the time now; I commend Candy Corn for its seasonality.
12. Swedish Fish You know what Swedish Fish are the best? The bigger, single kind that you could get with like five tickets at an arcade. Those were really good. Odd, because the bigger version of the Sour Patch Kid that you could also get with five tickets was less good than a small Sour Patch Kid. Life is funny that way.
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