Dear Abby advises a woman considering a divorce and a man whose wife doesn’t want to relocate for his career.
Although my husband and I are no longer in a romantic relationship, we are what I call “life partners.” After cancer left him impotent, he rejected any physical affection at all. I had an extramarital affair which lasted four years. My boyfriend passed away last year. I have no desire to be physically involved with my husband, but I do miss being affectionate and in a romantic relationship.
I feel empty, and I’m not sure if we should be considering divorce or continue in our day-to-day routine of being socially close but otherwise distant. We no longer share the same bedroom and we touch each other rarely. He has recently become more verbally and emotionally abusive during arguments, which may be the result of his recently reconnecting with his felon brother who had assaulted his wife. I’m not sure what direction to go.
Much of my time is spent appeasing her, especially when there is conflict between our teenage kids at home. We have been actively looking at schools in my new city, but there is never any resolution to our relocation issue. Advice? —I wish you had mentioned whether your wife works outside the home. Does she have a career she doesn’t want to leave? If the answer is no, continue looking for schools in the new community.
At that point, if she doesn’t want to make the move, she should say so, which will free you to decide whether to sacrifice what you envision for your family’s future, continue having a long-distance marriage or return to the town you left so you can all be together. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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