This isn’t an abstract fear.
I haven’t figured out how to talk to her about this in a way that a 4-year-old can grasp without going into the realm of “colorblindness.” Any tips? Anything I can say to the nanny when she inevitably says something weird, awkward, or hurtful? And the more general question: We make a point to be actively anti-racist. We found a diverse preschool for our 4-year-old . We make sure to read and watch things with a diverse cast of characters. We discuss racism with our kids .
The fact of the matter is she’s an expert with children, and we all know that kids say the darndest things, right? It’s not like your daughter is going to say something like “Why does your skin look like poop?” Even then I wasn’t offended because it was just a white kid’s extremely clumsy way of trying to learn about differences.
If it makes you feel better, you can proactively talk to your nanny about the fact that your daughter is learning to embrace the differences in people’s skin color and may say something out of pocket every now and then. I honestly don’t think it’s a big deal. In regard to your second and broader question, I would continue to do what you’re doing. You obviously are very conscious and self-aware, which are great traits to have under the circumstances. The only thing I’d caution you on is to not overthink everything. Again, I can’t speak for every Black person, but many of us just want to be treated with the same dignity and respect that white people enjoy in America.
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