How should one deal with a partner who is chronically late? Our advice columnist weighs in.
I find myself bending to my husband’s way of doing things frequently, whereas he never bends to mine. He often stops me as I’m rushing out the door with a series of questions that seem designed to slow me down: “Where are you going? WhatOn an early date, we split up on our way to a restaurant half a mile away so I could drop something off at the post office. I got to the restaurant first and waited an hour for him. He’d been wandering around, taking pictures of birds.
I guess my question is, are there ways for me to encourage him to respect my desire to be on time, even though he clearly has his own philosophy? I don’t care if he’s late, as long as he doesn’t make me late. I feel like he’s intentionally messing with me. I don’t know why.No wonder you two are opposites. Being with someone who’s late all the time can push you to be entirely, perhaps overly, preoccupied withbeing late.
For the activities you do together, work out a system: what things will you not push him at all to be on time for, and what thingsyou push him on, and accept the unpleasantness that goes with this. For instance, if you’re visiting his work friend, let him get you and your family out the door. It’s probably worth more to you to maintain the peace than to be considered polite by his friend.
How to not let him make you late to your own work or appointments: practice being slippery, blandly refusing to engage. “I can’t answer any questions right now, honey. I’m in a rush. I’ll text you. Have a good day!” Don’t give him a chance to waylay you. Don’t give him a chance to pick a fight with you. This emotional jujitsu will get easier with practice. And he will learn, too. I’m sorry, Tim—this isn’t much of a fix.
But time, as you know, can solve many things, even sometimes problems that seem impossible right now. While you wait, learn to enjoy photos of birds?
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