'I feel lonely. I miss the weekly Sunday dinners at my mother-in-law's and even those big family gatherings I previously avoided.' mentalhealth realwomenrealstories
. It's nothing as bad as what I've experienced before — like the time in college I broke down under academic pressure and dropped out for a semester, or the time in med school when my boyfriend broke up with me in the middle of my surgery rotation, or when, in the final year of my psychiatry residency, I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma .
I long for real human conversation so much that I've been spying on my neighbors. When I hear people talking outside I pause the TV and position myself as close to the window as I can without being creepy. As I listen to their voices, I imagine I'm part of the exchange. One time I felt so much a part that I actually piped in, much to the confusion of my neighbors, who had been unaware of my presence. Embarrassed, I quickly scuttled away.
I miss physical touch, which is no longer as available as a source of comfort when I'm feeling down. Yes, I can touch my husband — but I can't touch my friends, extended family, or neighbors. A few days ago I was feeling particularly overwhelmed and started to cry. I was home alone, and secretly wished a neighbor would hear me and come by to check in. Maybe they would even give me a hug, even though we're not supposed to.
But the same qualities that make me susceptible to depression give me the insight to see that the disease lends itself to the cure. The antidote for this coronavirus depression is connection. It's love.
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