Here's why some people find it so difficult to believe that they are loved—and how they can get the support they need without alienating a partner by constantly seeking reassurance
or preoccupied style. Children who develop an anxious or preoccupied attachment style typically have parents whose behavior toward them is inconsistent. Sometimes these parents are responsive, but sometimes they are disengaged or even negative. Importantly, the children’s behavior does not elicit consistent responses. Sometimes the children’s bids forThese experiences send two messages to children. The first is that they are not deserving of consistent warm and caring treatment.
Fortunately, with this information in mind, there are steps that can be taken—both by people who excessively seek reassurance and by their partners—to soften the impact on the relationship.Evaluating the relationship with a clear mind. Is it important to honestly think through how much one's need for reassurance is due to one’s own insecurities versus being due to a partner’s actual detachment from the relationship.
Practicing patience. Feeling rejected can elicit strong feelings of anxiety, even panic, in people who tend to seek reassurance. Plan for these moments. Taking deep breaths, exercising, or engaging in another activity can help alleviate anxieties. Afterward, securing more reassurance may not feel as necessary.Recognizing that meeting each partner’s needs benefits the relationship. It may be hard to understand why the other partner needs so much reassurance.
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