'I pick up some stuff from Whole Foods on the way to meet a friend at the beach: tuna sandwich and some grapes and lemon water. Most people bring beer and chips. I bring the meal of a fourth grader.' Read eliotglazer's GrubStreetDiet
Eliot Glazer. Illustration: Lindsay Mound Eliot Glazer is debating the merits of a rainbow bagel — not for quality but for where a rainbow bagel lands on the spectrum of Jewish to goyish, which also happens to be the premise of his new Comedy Central web series, 2 Jews Choose. As he puts it, “There is something distinctly goyish about an adult person getting unicorn or strawberry cream cheese. It’s just like, Yeah, that belongs in a church basement, you know?” Not that he dislikes sweet foods.
I’m no nutritionist, but who knew there was so much acid in blackberries? I thought that for the citrus colors of the rainbow. My dentist was finally the one to figure it out after I kept having intense pain on my tongue. She was like, “You’ve got to cut back on the blackberries, you weirdo.” She started me on a probiotic that is approved for everybody but whose packaging makes it feel specifically like it’s marketed to Jamie Lee Curtis.
Guacamole, street corn, and quesadillas from Tacos Tu Madre. I was so thankful when it expanded its outdoor patio during the pandemic. It’s very reliable Mexican food, albeit Americanized. Even one of my Latin friends rolls his eyes every time it’s suggested, knowing that my Caucasian ass is essentially there for the quesadillas . He understands why the whites are into this place because it’s essentially the Cheesecake Factory of Mexican food.
I work with a coach. He’s native to Italy and lives in SoCal. He is also so mean to me, which I love. He literally screams at me, and I can’t get enough of it. As much as I enjoy living in Los Angeles, you’ve really got to search high and low for his brand of chaotic energy, the kind you face every day in New York. This dude really fills that void for me, especially when I fail at landing a kite on the sand.
On the way home from the Black Cat, I stopped to fill my gas tank and pop into the gas station for a couple of things — the usual: tissues, water, a single-serving It’s It ice-cream cookie that’s apparently a West Coast staple. I was having a real hankering for some late-night ice cream. Although, despite my huge sweet tooth, ice cream is not anything I necessarily go crazy for, except for Magpies Softserve in Silver Lake. This place has rocked my world .
Between live performances and a huge marketplace for merch, I totally lost track of time and didn’t realize I hadn’t eaten anything until later that night, when I went to the Alcove Cafe in Los Feliz, which is essentially my favorite place in L.A. It’s this indoor-outdoor bar and café that checks off every box on the list of “How to be an avatar for a Rita Wilson character in a Nancy Meyers movie” .