Favoritism Creates Long-Lasting Conflicts for Twins

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Favoritism Creates Long-Lasting Conflicts for Twins
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Recognizing when and why you are playing favorites.

, becomes the good twin, who is entitled to special privileges. Or one twin is more like their loving mother, and the other twin is more like their angry dad. These labels are used, whether verbally or non-verbally, in a twin fight that escalates.

In a twin war, fighting can begin anywhere. For example, who had more cheerios? Or who broke the mirror in the hallway? Outsiders, and yes, even parents, take sides. Mom says, “It was Helen; she is the reckless twin.” Dad says, “No, Hailey did it.” Twins learn to resent each other, and it can become impossible to hide or gloss over the anger that twins feel toward one another.

As twins grow into adulthood, one twin may not show up at an important family event to avoid a confrontation with their twin. Family dinner parties, weddings, graduations, and trips to go hiking or shopping are very difficult and problematic. Everyone who attends an event with the twins, including the invited relatives, is subjected to hidden or out-in-the-open chaos when twins have difficulty controlling themselves.

Writing about family discord based on favoritism makes me sad and even confused. Both twins are, at times, good and, at times bad. Anything goes when there is a disagreement. I know so well that twin fighting has no boundaries from my own personal battles and listening to other twins. Fortunately for everyone close by, not all twins fight endlessly about who is prettier, smarter, richer, or more successful.

seem to always overtake manners. Taking the high road and letting go of anger seems impossible when families get together to celebrate an event or take a casual trip to the beach.You will see the beginnings of seemingly competitive nonsense when twins are young. They want desperately what the other twin has, no matter what it may be. Minor grabbing of one another’s goodies is always present and apparent when you meet young twins.

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