In this week’s Couple Therapy dilemma, counsellor and therapist Cate Mackenzie advises on confusion about sexuality
I’m a 40-year-old woman who has only ever had relationships with men, but this weekend I went toWe swapped numbers and have been texting but I’m scared of taking it forward because I’ve never done this before. What if I don’t know what to do if we are physical? Or what if when we get to that point and I feel turned off?
Also, I don’t know how I feel about being gay or bisexual – does that mean that everything until now has been a mistake? I’ve been married once before and my relationships with men were not very healthy. Is this just a reaction to that? Or is it who I really am?First of all, well done you! This is really exciting and it’s lovely that you are open to this attraction. I hear your confusion and want to reassure you.
The Kinsey scale describes a person’s sexuality as a spectrum, with pure heterosexuality on one end and pure gay on another. Most of us are in between, leaning to bisexuality or bi-curious or having a preference for one side but an openness to all. I like the term pansexual to describe the array of options that are now available to us. There is a great galaxy of sexual orientation and gender that we are all opening up to in ourselves and others.
It often happens that people allow different parts of their sexual self to emerge later when they have the resources and confidence to take the emotional risk of trying something new, and not worrying so much about what people think.
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