For this Austin-area author, having a child serves as a reminder of moments missed — and a blessing.
After losing her mother at age 11, writer Mallary Tenore Tarpley struggled for years before starting a family of her own. She is pictured with her husband, Troy, their 6-year-old daughter, Madelyn, and their 4-year-old son, Tucker.This time of year, I’m often overcome with a sense of grief and gratitude, loss and love.
“If you keep this up,” my grandmother once told me out of care and concern, “you’re never going to be able to have children.” For years, I worried I wouldn’t be able to change the trajectory of this truth. But over time, I worked my way through recovery and did end up getting pregnant. My beloved grandmother died just one month before I found out that I was pregnant with my baby, whose due date was just days before the anniversary of my mother’s death.
Mallary Tenore Tarpley, shown here at age 3 in 1988 with her mother, Robin Jo Tenore, says she struggled with an eating disorder after her mother's death. But all these years later as a pregnant woman, I no longer wanted to lose weight to feel closer to my mother. I wanted to gain it, to feel closer to my baby.
One night 30 years later, I would start feeling contractions of my own. My husband drove me to the hospital, where a nurse instructed me to walk the hallways until my contractions were closer together. As I took the smallest of steps, I stared at the shiny white tile floor beneath me, heard the beeping of machines, and felt the smooth wood of the handrail that I clutched. I could sense a contraction coming on, a sudden jolt that seemed to mimic the past’s collision with the present.
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