'After 30 years of painful sex, I finally learned I wasn't broken.' realwomenrealstories laurazam
This show transported me back to the '80s, when I was in college. Like Esty, I tried for months to have intercourse before I was able to, and then, only with pain. I had to wait 30 years for a diagnosis.
At the PT facility, different tears almost flowed. Sitting in the reception area, I could see massage tables through a glass partition. An old guy was being manipulated by a man who looked like Tony Robbins. Was this where I'd be treated? Soon, Stephanie came out. Her gray-streaked-brown hair and John Lennon glasses reminded me of cool moms I knew in the '70s. Stephanie took me to a private room with baby-blue walls.
There was also a single Q-tip, hygienically wrapped in plastic. This was in case the tiniest dildo still wouldn't go in. After trial and error, I chose a medium size. Stephanie had told me to push this plastic in and out of me, for 15 minutes. My toes curled the whole time, not in orgasm but in repulsion. Who had designed these un-lusty tools?, after a penis-in-vagina pause with my spouse , my PC muscles started functioning.
But it did not bring me the pleasure I sought. For that, I had to study stimulation. I needed to learn about the internal clitoris and a woman's erectile tissue. I had to attend workshops on my own and with my husband . Most of all, I had to learn to advocate for my own delight. This involves staying present during the dance, noticing if my body doesn't dig something. It's gently redirecting, knowing where to go from there ⎯ what I might like better.
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