.yelyahwilliams on what went wrong with Paramore, Warped Tour war stories, and her new solo life. A conversation with Eve_Barlow
Hayley Williams. Photo: Lindsey Byrnes When Hayley Williams started the pop-punk group Paramore at 15, all she wanted was to be in a band with her best guy friends. And for a while, that’s what she did. But as she grew into an icon for emo kids, touring worldwide and releasing platinum albums with her band, Paramore was disintegrating. The narrative circulated by former bandmate Josh Farro, and favored by music trades, was that Williams was a domineering leader.
The way I felt about it was everything happens when it’s meant to happen. There are moments where I feel ridiculous putting out music and I don’t feel equipped to handle what comes with that. You’re putting it out there to get something back, whether that’s a response or someone to buy a ticket to come and see you. Lately, I need to feel like this is coming out of me. I’ve been pregnant with it for so long. If I were to push this back, I would probably feel really depressed right now.
Bethany Cosentino has used anger as a medium in the past, too. Was there a lightbulb moment between you and her about mental-health issues? No. I made sure I would never be high maintenance. I got shit for not wearing lip balm in a photo shoot. ChapStick. The photographer wanted me to try it, and I was like, “The guys aren’t doing anything, I’m not doing shit!” The first time we got offered Warped Tour [in 2005], I’d been waiting. Never attended, was too young, wasn’t allowed. The guys and I didn’t listen to pop punk before writing “Pressure.” We listened to heavier stuff like Deftones. We wanted to be darker.
No. I thought I was smarter than everyone. I’m 15 at the time. I wonder what words I used because I didn’t have the perspective I do at 31. We had all these songs the label liked more than the songs I’d written by myself, but the label wanted me to put them out as Hayley. I didn’t want to do that. I told [the then-president of Atlantic] Julie Greenwald I didn’t want to put out a song or do interviews under my name.
I came home in August or September [2018] from After Laughter. There’s a post I made on Instagram on the way home from Japan, like, “I’m ready to go back and heal for real.” I don’t think I knew what I was saying. Had I known what healing looked like, I never would have looked forward to it. I would have wanted to book another tour.
Singing that was like being in a plastic bag for years and finally poking a hole in it. I had a lot of shame about being the other woman, about being betrayed, about staying. The song is meant for myself. It’s not like I was sitting there looking at someone, being like, “Hurt me, it’ll feel great.” But I stayed a lot. I stayed so many times.
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