Seems like we have a long way to go towards equality in parenting 🤦♀️
—am driven to strive for maternal martyrdom perfection, which means working full-time outside the home *and* working full-time in it?So, can parenting ever *actually* be equitable?
“I think equality is possible,” says Dr. Jill Yavorsky, a professor of sociology at UNC Charlotte who studies gender, family, divisions of labour and work. “It is just more difficult given our current cultural constraints.” These constraints include not only ingrained gender norms, but, the tendency for women to have lower earning jobs in their partnerships, a lack of use-it-or-lose-it paternity leave, and the general ocean of patriarchy that we swim in.
“But,” Yavorsky continues, “if men and women set up equal co-parenting from the start, where they are both taking leave, really communicating on a regular basis, outlining their tasks, having regular check-ins to make sure things are balanced, I do think with constant communication and discussions it’s possible.”
Lockman also stresses success through foresight and planning. “I wrote the book I wished I had going into this,” she says of, which came out when her daughters were nine and six. “I think most couples who are fairly egalitarian, who are both breadwinners, who are earners, are going to assume, ‘of course we’re going to share stuff.’ And that’s how my husband and I were, we didn’t even talk about it, it was a given.” But, that doesn’t necessarily turn out to be true.
Long story, short: It takes a lot of work, mindfulness, intent and planning to achieve parenting equity. And that planning starts now. I may not be pregnantnow , but I am thinking and will continue to think about the ways in which my partner and I—when our time does come—can work towards achieving equitable parenting. Until then, I’ll just play a few hours of The Sims 4 while I still can, looking at pictures of my friends’ cute kids on Instagram.
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