'The thing you believe might be messing up your children is possibly doing the opposite,' writes Emma Rosenblum
want
to schedule playdates—I’d rather be at my computer writing. But occasionally, I’m struck with doubt that I’m not doing the right things. I worry I’m not there for them enough. That I should be the one towel-drying their tiny bodies after a bath instead of paying someone else to do it. Mom guilt, as we know, is mostly self-imposed; no one’s knocking on my door and telling me I should work less and be with my kids more. But on the flip side, people do love to criticize mothers for every which way they approach parenthood. I’ve fallen into the trap myself, seeing uber-successful women on Instagram, and thinking snidely, “Yeah, but the kids are probably always with the nanny.
When I first started working on a book, my sons would periodically stop at my computer and ask what I was doing. I told them the truth—that I was trying to write a novel. At that point, I didn’t know if my draft was going to be anything at all. But kids remember everything, and tell people everything, so when anyone asked what their mommy did, they’d say: “She’s an author.” The pride in their little voices was enough to compel me to go on, to finish it so they could be right.
More important, perhaps, I will try to hold a few recent moments in my mind. At last pre-K parent-conference when his teacher congratulated me on my upcoming release. “How did you know?” I asked. “Oh, Sandy talks about it all the time,” she said. “He’s so excited about it!” It filled me with happiness and reminded me that mom guilt is often misplaced. The thing you believe might be messing up your children is possibly doing the opposite: setting an example and inspiring them.
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