.jennettemccurdy on her memoir, 'I’m Glad My Mom Died,' her mother’s abuse, and finding solace in Disneyland. A conversation with marianne_eloise
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Brian Kimskey In the opening scene of Jennette McCurdy’s debut memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, McCurdy stands by her mother’s hospital bed as she lies dying in a coma. McCurdy’s brothers share key news from their lives: One is moving, another is getting married. McCurdy, wanting to say something her mother really wants to hear, finally musters up the courage: “Mommy, I am so skinny right now. I’m finally down to 89 pounds.
In 2007, when she was 13, McCurdy landed a role on Nickelodeon’s teen sitcom iCarly alongside Miranda Cosgrove, and she went on to star in the show’s spinoff, Sam and Cat, in 2013. Those experiences came with their own trauma, and in her memoir, McCurdy alleges mistreatment on set — including, she says, being pressured to drink alcohol while underage and being photographed in a bikini during a wardrobe fitting.
Sitting at home for our Zoom in an oversize fleece and ponytail, McCurdy seems to have put a distance between both her glamorous Hollywood persona and the chaos of her adolescence. Now retired from acting, she wants to focus on writing and directing short films, creating a career that fits her much better than acting ever did. She seems, as she puts it, to have built her own identity.
My mom explicitly told me how to engage in disordered eating. As a survival instinct and a coping mechanism growing up, I couldn’t face that it was an eating disorder, and I just lived in the delusion that this was Mom’s way of helping me and helping my career. In therapy and in retrospect, recognizing that as such obvious abuse, it’s unsettling.
I think it’s impossible to really deal with something while you’re still living in it. There is so much denial. You write about your OCD and the way it intersects with religion, and you do so in such a funny way, like when you ask the voice in your head: “Are you the Holy Ghost, or are you OCD?” Your perspective is so refreshing — as someone who has OCD, it’s debilitating to experience, but it’s also so funny. Was that a deliberate choice?
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