The right way to discipline your preschooler
and testing boundaries. While this doesn’t make emotional outbursts or defiant episodes any easier to manage, remind yourself that this challenging behaviour is right on track, developmentally.From your kid’s perspective, any action that gets attention—positive or negative—is worth repeating, so capitulating or scolding may result in an encore performance. Instead, pretend the bad behaviour isn’t bothering you.
“I know parents worry about what other parents think when their child is acting out, but when I see a mom or dad ignoring a freak-out, I want to high-five them,” says Chorney. You’re doing the best thing for your child in that moment.is the only exception to the ignoring rule, says Chorney. Profanity or violence, for example, should result in the removal of the child from the situation—also known as a time out.
Chorney agrees it’s important to keep talking to a minimum: “Sometimes silence speaks volumes. The message needs to be, ‘You have my attention when your behaviour is positive, but you lose me when the behaviour becomes negative.’” He says time outs longer than three minutes typically aren’t very effective at this age.The experts call this discipline tactic “response cost,” and it’s not recommended for preschoolers.
or telling your four-year-old he can’t have dessert if he doesn’t eat dinner will work better for older kids who can truly understand the notion of losing something they want.when they act appropriately, but be sure to name the good behaviour specifically: “I love it when you put your shoes on the first time I ask,” or “I love it when you hold my hand crossing the street.” If you’re too general with your commendations, small children may not understand what they’ve done well.
A version of this article appeared in our March/April 2017 issue with the headline, “Crime and Punishment,” on p. 48.
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