What's causing your little slugger's behaviour—and how to make it stop.
Dorothy Robson and Sean Smith first noticed their three-year-old son, Sebastian, was hitting other kids when he was a year and a half. “At first, we would redirect him and say, ‘You can’t hit. This is,’” says Robson. “But as he gets older, we talk to him about it. We ask him why he’s hitting and whether or not he thinks it’s OK behaviour,” she says.
With young toddlers, one way to teach them not to hit is to demonstrate gentle touch. “If Sebastian wasn’t angry or upset, but just hitting to hit, we’d say, ‘Ouch, that hurt me. Can you show me a gentle touch?’” says Robson. “We’d gently stroke his head or arm or wherever he had hit us. Usually this would result in him repeating the action and giving us a big squishy hug.”
But the reality is, it can be tough to hold back if you’re on the receiving end of their blows. “Sometimes Sebastian will have a truck in his hand and he’ll swat me with it,” says Robson. “I’ve yelled – I try not to – but sometimes when you’re in pain, you react.” If you do react too strongly, Durrant says it’s vital to model the behaviour you want to see from your children and apologize. “It helps the child feel like you care about their feelings and show them that it’s OK to apologize.
The more your kid has to choose from when they’re, say, in the middle of a heated battle over whether to play Star Wars or Mega Bloks, the better their ability to problem solve will be.
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