“Hey, I want less of you in my life right now” is a conversation that can easily head south
Photo: Thorsten Milse/robertharding/Getty Images Toward the end of high school, one of my best friends and I had one of those petty fights, the kind that seem super-serious and legitimate when you’re 17. She told me I had no common sense, I replied that she was immature, and in a matter of minutes, we went from virtually inseparable to very separate.
A few months after graduation, I learned through a mutual friend that she and her boyfriend had broken up. I sent her the most tentative Facebook message of all time: “I’m still here, if you ever need me.” She replied shortly after. We reunited over sushi, and thus ended our friendship break. Katie, 33, says she took a break from her best college friend after a few tense exchanges, like when the friend pressured Katie — then a grad student with the budget to match — to go on an international bachelorette-party trip. “We’d probably been friends for about ten years at the time of the break,” Katie says. “I felt that little boundaries had been crossed so many times, and that the relationship had stopped being enjoyable and loving.
In some cases, seeking that new perspective can be all the reason you need to hit pause. If you notice you’re fighting more often than usual or you feel like something is off in the friendship, you could probably use a break from your friend, says Nicole Zangara, a licensed clinical social worker in Phoenix, Arizona, and author of Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. “You might also feel overwhelmed by the friendship,” she adds, and just in need of a breather.
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