4 strategies to have open and honest conversations about porn with your partner, from AHSolomon
masturbationSome sex therapists have suggested that the porn issue is thornier for heterosexual couples, so I will opt for heterosexual language in this piece. A typical scenario is a female partner who feels insecure and uneasy about her male partner’s use of porn, but who feels stuck. While she doesn’t want toThere are two entire life stories, his and hers, that shape the texture and tone for how any couple meets this challenge.
To be sure, women are consumers of porn as well. She may very well feel both aroused and repulsed by porn, which is why your conversation needs to be able to hold space for nuance and paradox. One of the oldest stories in the book is that sex is a “wifely duty”—something that she provides to him. As much as we’d like to think we have evolved out of this story, its echoes linger.
Finally, if in this relationship he wants more sexual connection than she does, he may turn to porn in an attempt to solve this problem, protecting his partner from his advances and protecting himself from feeling rejected about her declining his advances.If you come to the conversation with more questions than answers, with a desire to listen to your partner, and with a
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