I didn’t know I could want to stay in the storm of an abusive relationship for the lie. I didn't know it would be so hard to leave.
I have friends on Facebook who share their relationship details candidly — every fight, every cruel word. I know all their drama. It always seemed tacky to me. I could never. So many of my family and my fiancé’s family look at my page. It would be embarrassing to air out dirty laundry like that.
“Please don’t talk to me like that” — my recurring plea. I do my best not to make it worse. And he doesn’t hit me. He doesn’t lay a finger. He doesn’t even call me a bitch. So it’s not abuse. I have a heart-to-heart with him, again. I tell him how he hurts me. He makes an effort for some time. I let myself forget that this is who he is comfortable being. He is better, for now. But he doesn’t stay better.. My childhood tells me this is normal. My baby looks to us and learns, and my heart breaks.It all happens again — the swearing at me and talking down to me And I break. I take the ring off my finger. I silently call off the wedding.
I imagine someone else’s little girl living my life, and my heart breaks for her, listening to those words I hear. I don’t hear them every day, maybe not every week, but they always come back, no matter the promises. I imagine them coming from my son’s lips, my son breaking someone’s sweet girl because that’s what his father believed was normal.
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