'My marriage ended and I had a hand in that, but do I blame my former mother-in-law for some things that went wrong in my marriage? Yes, I do.'
I sat at my then mother-in-law’s kitchen table, trying to feed my son, but he kept spitting out his carrots. At 9-months old, he liked most things, but not carrots.
She would drop not-so-subtle hints whenever she witnessed me asking my husband to do something she deemed to be “my” job, or when I’d disagree with him about anything. For the record, he always was and still is, very hands on with his children. He didn’t mind getting up with the kids, changing diapers or feeding them, but that wasn’t the issue.
What felt like me being my normal self and having a voice in our relationship came off as being as “difficult” to him because his mother painted such a different picture about what marriage and partnership entails. She never stood up to her husband or voiced her own opinions, and in doing so she essentially taught her son that women are servant-bitches who tiptoe around the house and do as they are told without feelings or opinions.
I don’t play that way, and he knew it when we got married, but I think he hoped I’d change. We all know when you throw a mortgage and a few kids into the mix, things get harder and more complicated to navigate; it’s part of life and it’s normal to have disagreements with your spouse whenever there is a big life change. I saw these disagreements as normal; he saw them as a problem he wanted to run away from.
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