'I feel like she’s sort of my own personal energy vampire. I know this affects how others see me and makes me seem newly cold and distant, but the thought of interacting with her makes me terribly unhappy'
Let me just say up front, you’re going to think I’m a jerk. The problem is I deeply dislike someone I work with, someone everyone else seems to enjoy but who nonetheless drains me of my happiness whenever she enters my atmosphere.
Also, my job is a new position that takes a bunch of the overflow stuff she used to handle off her hands. And because she’s a worrier and an overthinker, she’s constantly asking me for updates and explanations on projects that have nothing to do with her any longer. Imagine a co-worker who wants to monitor your work as if she were your manager. I have a different work style from her, and I can’t develop on my own due to her constant interference.
Sometimes that really is the explanation. But other times, we’re grasping onto things that wouldn’t bother us as much if they were done by someone else, and what’s really going on is that this person just gets under our skin for an unknowable reason — or at least not one you’re conscious of in the moment.
I suspect you’re doing this because she has become Jane, the Person Whose Very Presence Sets Me on Edge, rather than just Jane, the Person With Some Annoying Traits. She aggravates you so intensely that your instinct is to try to block her out entirely — and I think that aggravation is preventing you from seeing how you can probably mitigate a lot of this.
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