Dear How to Do It: My wife might not like what I've found.
I’d say that our sex life has run hot and cold, and we are not always on the same part of the cycle at the same time. The last few years are definitely on the cold side, partly due to COVID, I think. But it was that way even before the pandemic. One way we’ve been trying to get in the mood together has been to use porn. And porn is usually pretty good at its job.
By that I mean after a couple of videos, we’re both ready to go and we enjoy each other’s bodies. I’m not usually very picky about the videos, but the lesbian ones do more for my husband than they do for me. I still “get there” with them, but it’s definitely more for him than me. But what seems to arouse both of us are what they call cuckold videos. I particularly get aroused when the lover is both “bigger,” younger, and just more eye candy than the husband.
Communication is key. Just because you set guidelines doesn’t mean they’re concrete. You can—and should—check in with each other during and after the sexual interaction, and throughout the course of any nonmonogamous relationship. Changes can always be renegotiated, and it’s great to regularly consider whether anything could be refined.Can anyone learn to squirt? I am a 40-year-old woman in a long-term relationship.
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