I’m 40. I Don’t Want to Be a Mom. Now What?

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I’m 40. I Don’t Want to Be a Mom. Now What?
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It’s more complicated than simply not having kids

Photo: John Springer Collection/CORBIS I’ve known plenty of women who always knew they wanted children. I’ve known more than a few who, for reasons having to do with upbringing, genetics, economics, and so forth, have always known they didn’t and actively chose not to have them. I fit in neither of those categories.

Then, last month I went to help my sister take care of her three children. Four days before I arrived, she’d given birth to my nephew, and he was now home with my niece, 3½, and my other nephew, 5. The two weeks I spent there have since become a blur: overwhelming, glorious, exhausting. The part that remains crystal clear in my mind, however, are the evenings I would spend alone with the newborn.

Night after night I reached the same conclusion. By the end of those two weeks, I knew, knew, I’d be okay without children. I knew I did not want this motherhood thing, an idea I had, without much thought, signed off on early on as being something I should want. If fate knocked me up, I’d be okay. But if it didn’t, that was pretty great also. Maybe greater.

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