'It’s terribly lonely to have people know you as an incomplete or incorrect version of yourself.'
I’m an intensive care unit nurse in Austin. I work with the number one gender confirmation surgical team in the world, in a tiny hospital, in the middle of Texas. I get to tell my dad and strangers at parties, “I help make dicks and vaginas,” and that’s really fun, because my dad gets embarrassed easily. But what I should say is, “I help make people whole,” because that’s actually what my job is.
The team did a check of our facility, realized we were all pretty decent humans who understood that being transgender is an actual thing, and decided to set up shop. My boss called me into her office to tell me and broke out into a big smile when she said, “They’ll need to be recovered in the ICU.”I, myself, am genderqueer. I was born into the wrong body, or more likely without the proper hormones, and ended up with a vagina where my penis was supposed to be.
I don’t want to make light of this situation. I am still overcome with waves of great longing for the body I didn’t get, the identity I don’t have. It never goes away. It’s just that I have found a place to put it. On top of this, if they are lucky enough to make it onto our schedule and have the date stick and the operation completed, no family members are allowed in as support. Take a moment to consider that ― how frightening that must be, especially if there are complications. I do my best to step up and to be the point guard for the parents, wives and husbands, but my job is busy already. Now I need a secretary to help with all the extra communication. Newsflash: Nurses don’t get secretaries.
Vaginas are easier to make surgically and need less time and attention, so I don’t get to name many of them. They tend to bleed, however, and we have to put these patients in mesh panties with a pad; you’ve never seen someone so excited to wear a pad. When it’s time for them to go home, I’m always so happy to help them get dressed. Not because I’ve been staring at their genitals for days, but because it suddenly turns them into not just patients, but people who exist in their lives away from me. People who have struggled and have been brave enough to face a seemingly insurmountable problem and do something big to fix it.
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