HolaPapi: 'Is there a way to start all over again? Or is the best we can hope for like our last night together, where, for a while, we just didn’t think about it?' jpbrammer responds
My ex and I were together just shy of three years. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, per se. We both know where we fell short and what we did wrong. Her point, which I agree with, is that despite how good things can be, we both have a lot of things we need to heal from and grow from before anything could happen in a healthy way.The first is that during our last meetup, which involved a lot of fighting and not hearing each other before reaching a place of understanding, we made an agreement.
My second hiccup is that, no matter what, she’s going to be on my mind for a long time. We were in a severe car accident together back in November, and it injured my back to the point of making even a walk to the kitchen a tear-inducing endeavor of pain and embarrassment. As a result, my ex ended up taking on many more responsibilities than she’d been used to, and honestly more than should be put on one person.
Between your ex and the looming specter of your accident , I get that sense of craving simplicity, of wanting to go back to factory settings, as it were, and do things differently this time. It’s a sort of desire for cleanness — wash it all off, begin again. I go through this all the time, when I clean my apartment. You may think that’s a frivolous comparison, but you haven’t seen my apartment. We’re not so different, you and I.
Without that familiarity and all the baggage that comes with it, that small moment wouldn’t have stood out as it did, wouldn’t have mattered so much at all. But it did, and it does, because of the context and the texture of a relationship, one with highs and lows and joys and regrets.
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