In 2014, a Vine user named Summerella uploaded a clip of a catchy little tune that asked the age old question: can you do a split on a dick? Four years later, Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B have provided an unwitting answer, proving to the general public that yes, if this is still a pressing matter, it seems like both of them certainly can. The video for “WAP” is a masterwork—a celebration of the female form and an anthem for people everywhere who woke up on an August morning in the middle of a global pandemic with the irrepressible urge to see if they, too, could put their pussy on the floor like Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B demonstrated so deftly.\n
for “WAP” is a masterwork—a celebration of the female form and an anthem for people everywhere who woke up on an August morning in the middle of a global pandemic with the irrepressible urge to see if they, too, could put their pussy on the floor like Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B demonstrated so deftly.I’ve never been particularly flexible, but at a point in high school, during what I will refer to lovingly as my “peak,” I could do a full split on my right side.
Rushing into a full-out, pussy on the floor moment is foolhardy at best and medically unsound at worstthat assured me I could do a split in 30 days. Other videos on YouTube recommend not rushing into this exercise. As someone who sits at a desk for roughly 9 hours a day and forgets to stretch after working out more often than not, rushing into a full-out, pussy on the floor moment is foolhardy at best and medically unsound at worst.
The human body is simply not meant to bend in the way a split requires and it remains an impressive feat. Sliding into a split from standing, or even unfurling the legs out from under and kissing the ground with the kitty in one fluid motion simply looks impressive in the way that few things do anymore. Strengthening the body for aesthetics is one thing, but getting stronger and more flexible in order to be able to do things like crush your enemies with your adductors is much more motivating.
Miss Auti is in incredible shape and infinitely more flexible than I am currently, but she has a great attitude and that, in turn, moves me towards wanting to please her with my efforts. Though this video promises that I could technically achieve the splits on both sides of my body, I know myself well enough to understand that if I were to tell my left side that it was time for a split, they would ask to see the manager.
Straighten that back leg, un-sickle that foot, and in a week or so, the party trick I treasured in the year 2000 will be in my hands once more.
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