Lindsay Lohan Did Not Calm Down About Taylor Swift

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Lindsay Lohan Did Not Calm Down About Taylor Swift
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Taylor Swift announced her new album, Lover, yesterday, and Lindsay Lohan did not take the advice of its second single, 'You Need to Calm Down.'

take the advice of its second single, “You Need to Calm Down.” As Swift announced the album’s release date, Lohan was very much in the comments of Swift’s Instagram livestream, talking about how much she loves Taylor—but also about...that Lohan was denied entry to Swift’s dressing room at the Jingle Ball. And yesterday Lohan was commenting so vociferously during Swift’s Instagram Live that other fans were as distracted by her aggressive fandom as they were excited about Swift.

As Swift discussed the new album, which is coming out on August 23, Lohan commented with a heart-eyes emoji—and it ratcheted up from there. Then we got “We think you’re great,” then, “You should respond!”“To your fans!” The most bizarre installment was the last, where Lohan added, “My mom was in cats,” ostensibly a reference to the upcoming

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Panicking Taylor Swift Realizes It Too Late To Call Off Assassination After Katy Perry Makes Peace OfferingPanicking Taylor Swift Realizes It Too Late To Call Off Assassination After Katy Perry Makes Peace OfferingNEW YORK—Her hands shaking as she dialed several numbers written on a piece of paper in an effort to get in touch with the goons she had hired, a panicking Taylor Swift reportedly realized Wednesday that it was too late to call off the assassination of Katy Perry after her longtime rival made a peace offering. “Shit, shit, shit—Bruno, is that you? Call it off, call it off! Peacock! Peacock! Tell them not to shoot!” the 29-year-old pop star was heard to yell into her cell phone after seeing Perry’s Instagram post where her former enemy had tagged her and written “Peace At Last,” before being told by her contact, “I am sorry, Ms. Swift, but the die has been cast.” “Come on, please tell them I don’t need them anymore. What do you mean all the fail-safes are no longer possible? Look, I made a mistake. Things have changed, I don’t need her to die now. You’ll still get your money—I’ll double your fee! Please just don’t kill her.” At press time, Swift made a last-ditch attempt to forestall the assassination by frantically calling Perry to tell her not to sing “Swish Swish” at a concert, only to be told that Perry was already onstage and would start the song in five minutes.
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