'Why did you get a D when you are smart enough to get an A?” We may not say it in so many words, but “Why” questions make a statement that says, “You are not the child I wanted or expected.” Pressure to conform to neurotypical expectations leads to shame.
It is one of life’s great ironies that our sense of self comes mostly from others.
The second way things go wrong is when children receive feedback based on neurotypical expectations. While neurodiverse children are trying to discover themselves and what the world values in them, there is a fire hose of feedback telling them they should be like other children. The world tells them that having ADHD means they haveThese expectations are often expressed with questions that start with “Why.
We must become cheerleaders for our children. Families with lots of financial and emotional resources have an easier time of doing this. They can pay for assessments, tutors, therapy, and private schools. Resources are not, however, as important as they might seem. Having an advocate for the child and adult with ADHD is more important. It would be great if the advocates were two parents, but they can include anyone — a teacher, a grandparent, a coach, or youth leader.
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