Letter writer wants to make sure their dear, late friend’s distant relatives don’t ransack his house after the funeral.
Next week is the funeral of a very dear friend. My husband had held his power of attorney for several years. This friend was a widower and an only child who never had children of his own. He has a few cousins, with whom he’d had little contact over the past several years, and he did not name these relatives in his will.
This actually happened to us several years ago at another loved one’s funeral. Some cousins went to the home of the dearly departed straight from the graveside service and loaded up their cars on their way home!deservedly bad reputation, so all you have to do is refuse to abet any would-be criminals — which does not require any rudeness on your part.“I'm afraid not,” you will reply, if asked. “Your cousin left me specific instructions about how he wanted me to dispose of his things.
I felt stunned and offended that my body was being evaluated. I also did not want to return rudeness with rudeness. I have since been trying to think of an appropriate response that doesn’t accept the “compliment.”to prefer the real world to the virtual is the rich array of nonverbal behaviors that can be used in just such situations. Telling this man to watch his tongue would be rude. But a momentary stare followed by an icy “ah” will make your point.
Some of these activities require no explanation at all when you decline, at least not for the first invitation — street fairs, for example. Party games sprung on you at the door are more challenging, though you can still say you prefer to sit this one out, but would enjoy watching. Repeat invitations can be greeted with an apologetic confession that you are not good at that particular activity — followed by a suggested alternative for another day.
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