Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
There are two ways people start a statement that I find extremely infuriating. They are: “No offense, but ...” and “I’m sorry, but ...”
When this happens to me, I am usually so angry that I say nothing, but I seem unable to let it go. Is there anything that would be appropriate in response?Miss Manners realizes that the offender was, instead, asking for a pass to be offensive without consequences. Your response is to say that it has not been granted.DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I found it difficult to smile and be polite while Husband’s friend took the lead in the conversation and acted as though he was the host of our party. Husband doesn’t understand why I’m so steamed, and says, “It’s just a chair!” He said next time I should leave my purse in the chair to save it, if it’s so important to me.
Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Has etiquette relaxed so much that guests can sit where they please without regard to their hosts?Oh, that’s right, you don’t want to appear stuffy. Miss Manners hears that word a lot from people who do not want to follow procedures that have been worked out to make things orderly.
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