'At some point, it seems, they subconsciously interpret my drive as a threat, not an asset'
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images Let’s get this out of the way: I’m an author, an editor, and a person with a lot of bucket-list goals. This is allegedly attractive to the men I’ve dated — progressive, liberal guys who are proud to have been raised by badass working moms. Until it isn’t. At some point, it seems, they subconsciously interpret my drive as a threat, not an asset.
The tech entrepreneur wasn’t the only person I ran into this issue with. When I sold my first book, the guy I’d been seeing for two months showered me with Champagne and roses then constantly teased me about how old I’d be when it hit the shelves — 25, the age he pinpointed as “when women start to get less hot.” Another date questioned if I could balance work and a relationship.
There’s a big difference between how a person might conceptualize gender roles in theory and how they play out in practice. Even the “good guys” may think they’re okay with breadwinning partners — proudly posting pictures on Instagram from the Women’s March or tweeting about their crushes on Shiv from Succession — but when it comes to the state of their actual marriages, research doesn’t bear this out.
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