What hurt the most was that I felt I had zero closure.
My mother and father split not long after I was born. I never really got a chance to get to know my father, but my family always spoke highly of him. “We just weren’t meant to be together,” they’d say. This was something I could understand, so I never felt resentment or anger for his lack of contact and appearance in my life.
In all these moments of personal victory, I wished he were there. I wished I could tell him because in my heart I believed he would be proud. He tells me that I have a new family to be loved by, that he’s been waiting for me to reach out, and whenever I need anything, he’s there.Look, look how good I turned out!”
I waited a month, then finally told my mom about it. She was baffled, and together we waited longer. After a month and a half, I sent one of the hardest texts I’ve ever sent in my life. I was left with new questions that only replaced the old thoughts from before I met him. I had a chance to tell this man all of the things I always wanted to just to have him ghost me. I realized I was going to have to seek closure on my own, but even now I struggle to understand why someone would do this.
I spent so much time trying to tell myself, “It isn’t worth being sad over because some people go through much harder things in life, and mine is so trivial.” That’s not entirely true. I can feel for those people and still be sad about my own experiences.
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