Once I learned how to ask for the type of grief support I needed, there were other, er, benefits.
that good sex can be a handy distraction from the pain, as it stimulates the body’s dopamine system. “Any stimulation of the genitals drives the dopamine system in the brain, which gives feelings of optimism, energy, focus, and motivation,” she explained. Washington Post writer Anjali Pinto eventhe string of sexual encounters she had after her husband died as creating an “overwhelming sense of happiness, even amid my loneliness.
All that’s fine and well if you have a willing partner, but unfortunately for Feinglos, her ex fell short. As she progressed through her grief, she realized she wasn’t getting the physical intimacy or emotional closeness from him that she needed, and the lack of quality intimacy became a stark sign it was time to move on.In the first few weeks after my father died, I felt that same type of crisis with my own needs. At first, I also received immediate support. Friends sent books and candles.
But I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. In the first year after my father’s death, I went through the motions of moving forward—starting a new job, moving to a different state, and spewing platitudes likewhen family checked on me. I wasn’t. I continued seeing my ex-boyfriend, and thewas one of the only things that felt familiar and consistent. Otherwise, I functioned on autopilot.
than when he first died because I felt nothing. I could no longer imagine a life that wasn’t shrouded in bleakness.It took me over a year to slowly come out of the apathy that suppressed my feelings and the needs that came with them. And as I did, something peculiar began to happen.
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