'I sold my mental health for wealth, and now I’m trying to buy it back'
Photo: Getty Images The Cut is asking readers to share what they’re doing with their money — or lack thereof — in the midst of an unprecedented crisis. This week, we spoke to a 35-year-old woman from L.A. whose marriage fell apart mid-lockdown. She spoke with the Cut about the financial stresses of divorce, the process of splitting assets with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, and why she’s pouring thousands of dollars into therapy even though she worries about money every day.
We had conflict over our finances, too. I’m a hoarder and a stingy person, and he was a spender. My parents struggled a lot financially when I was young, and I have a major scarcity complex. My husband was the exact opposite. If he got a bonus, it would be gone in 60 days. If I got a bonus, it would sit in a savings account, which I call my NBS account: “Never to Be Seen.”
At first, we thought we’d do a trial separation. He rented a place a few hours away for the month of May, and I stayed home. Then, three weeks in, he called me and said, “I just want to be carefree. I want to go and live wherever I want. I want to spend money however I want without having to talk about it.” I was like, “Sounds like you don’t want to be married.” So we decided to make it official. In June, he moved to another state. I was devastated, but I also felt free.
I also go to therapy, which is probably the most painful thing I pay for. My psychologist is expensive, $250 a session. When money is tight, it is the first thing that I think about cutting. Literally, I’m spending what many people pay in rent to go to therapy. But she keeps me accountable. When I had a surprise tax bill from 2019, my instinct was to cut everything out — cut therapy, cut training, just eat ramen. And she was like, “Why would you do that? You’ve been working really hard.
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