'That morning, I’d checked my bank account and realized my husband had visited the ATM at 2 a.m. and taken all our money. I was alone with three kids and $50.'
"That morning, I’d checked my bank account and realized my husband had visited the ATM at 2 a.m. and taken all our money. I was alone with three kids and $50."The author and her husband Kory in the red rocks of Sedona, Arizona, where they renewed their wedding vows in January 2019.“I never thought he’d do something like this,” I stuttered into the phone to my mom. I was sitting in the car outside my bank.
That call set off a panic alarm inside me. Within hours, I was standing in front of a judge asking to be granted an order of protection for my children. After I delivered it to the school, once again I found myself saying those words: “I can’t believe he’d do something like this.”Feeling angry and betrayed, I started the process of filing for divorce. In my new role as a single mom, I’d lost the last bit of hope for Kory’s recovery, even after I learned he’d finally entered rehab.
I agreed, and though our attorneys said they’d never seen anything like it, the judge agreed as well. That day, our healing process began. Before I met Kory, in my 20s, I had been introduced to a program called nonviolent communication, or NVC. NVC is a way of communicating feelings and needs, mirroring to others what we hear them say through empathy and compassion. Instead of reverting to habitual patterns of arguing, defending or withdrawing, it teaches people to use “I” statements like, “When we were talking today, I noticed you were on your phone. I felt sad because I was looking forward to connecting with you.
Months later, after many more long conversations and tears shed on our living room couch, I asked Kory to come home again, just in time for Christmas. I realized that choosing to forgive him would give us a second chance most people never get and an opportunity to help our children heal, too.
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