Days before her grandfather-in-law was set to fly to Switzerland for a voluntary assisted death, rachel_handler called him to say good-bye and more. This was their conversation
). So we — Adam and I, David’s three kids, and his extended family and friends — knew he would likely go through with it down the line, but not now, not when he was only 85 years old, in moderately good health, and still able to live a relatively independent life . In other words, we were prepared for theAt the time, Adam and I were both recovering from COVID-19.
I started the process two years ago. I didn’t know whether or not I’d need it. That’s why we buy insurance; you may never need it, but if you do, you’ve got it. But it changed when my eyes no longer worked and I couldn’t control my fingers. That’s when I said, “I have to go.” It’s only in the last three months it’s gotten unbearable. I went to see the doctor to be able to sleep and he had to help me from my walker to a chair.
They don’t command respect, the elderly. I can’t explain to you the pain, the frustration, the gestalt of what I live with. That I can do push-ups but I can’t write my name; I can’t see. All of these things happened recently. When I go to my computer or my iPhone, and I want to touch your name, I hit someone else’s name. If I can’t control how I speak, when I speak, who am I? I am a prisoner in my own body.
It’s not about living. It’s about the disease preventing me from the ordinary things that people do, that they have some control over. It’s about quality of life.Nobody gets it. Because I’m so healthy, I come out on top in all the tests that they give me. But they forget I started at a higher level.Every doctor I’ve ever been to, I tell them right away. But I’m not asking for their permission. The only one who tried to talk me out of it was a psychiatrist today.
I think there are two reasons that our culture is so uncomfortable with the idea of voluntary assisted death We’ll do it right now. Picture in your mind’s eye. I am in my office in a little chair. Talking to a woman who I love. I’ll give her a hug right now.I think he’ll talk about me first with the experience he had when we went fishing in Mexico: “My grandpa taught me that I could do it. If I catch it myself, then the fish is mine. He taught me how to drive by myself on a little road in Mexico. He gave me the opportunity to be who I was.” That’s what I think he’ll say about me.I know that.
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