'There I was at 32,000 feet, hand-expressing in a tiny airplane bathroom, wondering how it came to this.'
“How accurately can I milk myself into this airplane bathroom sink?” is not a question I thought I would be asking myself…ever. But 32,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean, there I was, head-cocked over my boob with nipple in hand, trying to figure out the best way to angle my teat-stream into the miniature basin, like a modern-day Pythagoras, with tits.breastmilk moment was my first baby-free flight in 18 months, and my first airplane work trip in over two years.
I used some miles to bump myself up to premium, slunk into my seat with a glass of something vaguely bubbly, and sighed with delight when the pilot gave us a flight estimate of roughly eight hours. Eight hours of uninterrupted “me” time. Bliss, I thought, as I plugged my headphones in, fired up my Lizzo playlist, and started in on my haul of royal gossip rags.Missing my morning lactation-offload had created a pair of mammary monsters.
I slid into the tiny-ass stall and tried to sterilize the sink area with the hand sanitizer they gave me in the “welcome aboard” pack. I put my pump down on the washroom countertop, and started to strip off the five layers I was wearing to combat the airplane AC. When my boobs were finally free, I suctioned my haakaa and waited for it to work its magic.
So, in the middle of the transatlantic flight, I took matters into my own hands - literally - and started to try and milk myself by hand into the teeny tiny bathroom sink. Doubled-over in an airplane stall trying to slide my thumb over the most painful parts of my mammary glands to make sure I didn’t induce a clogged duct was not my most glamorous Margot Robbie in ‘Pan Am’ self, let me tell you.
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